Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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