I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
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She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
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Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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