Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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