the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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