I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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