the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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