if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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