ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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