im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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