I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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