Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
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Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
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I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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