i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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