his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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