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I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't deserve a penis
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
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