I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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