i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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