my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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