I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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