It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize