dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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