Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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