Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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