She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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