I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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