I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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