8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize