we're chasing vodka with high fives
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
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and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
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I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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