You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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