I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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