How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
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Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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