Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
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I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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