Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
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My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
it's like iHOP with fire
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
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is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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