Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
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You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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