I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize