I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
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Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
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The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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