whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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