I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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