When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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