god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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