I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize