no, he came in my armpit
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
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They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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