I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
What a dumb baby whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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