i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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