He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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