I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
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I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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