Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
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Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
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They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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