a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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