So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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