The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
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How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
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Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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