Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm too high and old for this...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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